Interviewed by Elise Montemayor
Kat Cruz
Multidisciplinary Artist & Inclusivity in the Austin Creative Scene
Hello, Glaze readers! I’m Elise Montemayor, and I am part of the writing/community connection departments here at Glaze. I got the opportunity to chat with a really cool person who has such amazing talent and energy. Kat Cruz (They/Them) is a multidimensional artist, musician, photographer, and model. They have contributed to Glaze in both photography and modeling. Just recently, they did the Rocky Horror Picture Show-themed shoot for Glaze’s next issue (out December. In this interview, we talk about everything from DIY photography to finding personal style and our love of Pinterest.
Tell me a little about what you do, how would you describe your style (regarding creativity, modeling, music, photography)?
I shoot on a film camera. A lot of people think that I have an expensive camera or a bunch of equipment, but I actually just have a kind of shitty point and shoot. I just shoot on the cheapest film I can get my hands on. People might think that's not professional, but I just can't afford anything else. In my opinion, it's a bit elitist to think you have to have expensive equipment and all this background knowledge [to be a photographer]. I try to make amazing art and take photos with the little materials that I have. I'm proud of the work that I've done. I think the only reason that I'm good at photography with little resources and knowledge of film is because I've been doing it for like four or five years now. It started as something that was just kind of fun. I just carried a camera around to shoot my friends. Then I saw the Glaze application last year, and I thought, “Maybe I should give this a shot.” It turned out they really liked my photography.
As far as style goes, I feel like over the past couple of years, I've gone through a lot of style changes. When I was in high school, I was super passionate about fashion, but I didn't feel like I fully expressed myself. I also wasn't very unique; I just copied other people. I was very impressionable. As soon as I graduated, I got a taste of freedom and became more passionate about it. I started thrifting and didn't put any limits on my style. If I went to a Goodwill and saw something, even if it was objectively ugly or not trendy, I would see hope in it, and I would find a way to make it work and pair it with something that I owned. I'm proud of myself for having the confidence to just go for it and wear it even if it might not be cute. I went through a goth phase too, and I feel like I'm still kind of in that to an extent, like the emo goth style phase, but I like the more fairy-core stuff as well. I have a friend named Irene that I'm really inspired by. She's one of my best friends and I just really love everything she wears. I draw a lot of inspiration from her.
Where did your interest in the creativity scene start and how did it get you to where you are now?
I grew up in a family of musicians. So I was destined to be creative, I would say. My mom is a choir teacher, and her passion is choral singing. That was my passion for a big chunk of my life, from sixth grade to when I graduated from high school. When I hear the songs I used to sing acapella or with choral groups, I get goosebumps and get really emotional because it was just such a big part of who I was for so long. Also, I have a really close relationship with my mom, so I think it reminds me of her. It’s a very nostalgic and emotional thing for me. And then my dad is a classical guitarist. He really likes classical music and he also likes classic rock. He listens to a lot of ACDC and Led Zeppelin. He started me on classical guitar when I was like 12. But, I really liked One Direction. My guitar teacher was trying to teach me classical songs, but I was always asking, “Can we play ‘One Thing’ by One Direction?” I would learn a bunch of pop songs and cover them on the guitar. Then, I had my first gig at Mozart's when I was 15 or 16.
It was really scary because it was just me. I didn't have a band to back me up. It was a solo gig, just my voice and my guitar. I honestly can't believe I did that. The audience was a lot of my friends, family, and family friends, but there were also a couple of random people at Mozart’s. It was comforting to have a bunch of my friends and family friends there. I think that's really what got me through it. Having that support. But I was really scared. I remember trying to talk into the mic and be bubbly and create conversation with the audience, and I couldn't speak. It was a lot for a little kid, and I had a lot of anxiety.
What are some major differences between being in front of the camera vs. behind it?
I feel like finding similarities would be a more difficult question than finding differences because I think they're very different. Being behind the camera is overwhelming sometimes. For shoots and stuff, especially like, I'll bring my camera places when I'm going out and just take pictures of my friends or cool lights or whatever I see. I'll just see something, have a vision, and think, “I need to capture this,” and that's not overwhelming or scary; that's just more of like a fun thing. A lot of my favorite pictures I've gotten from just doing that. For shoots for things like Glaze and every time I've done shoots of my friends and bands, having to pose the models and come up with all of the ideas for the shoot is very scary.
With modeling, you can just sit there and look cute, but modeling can be hard too. For example, during my last few modeling shoots, our photographer asked us to scream, and it takes a lot of balls to just scream in front of the camera and in front of a bunch of people that you don't know. That part of modeling is difficult because you have to have the ability to put yourself out there in whatever way the photographer wants. That can be hard, but I used to be a huge theater kid, so I kind of got over that.
I would say photography is a lot more difficult than modeling. When I had photography shoots for Glaze, I would get really anxious and prepare for it a lot. I would create a mood board on Pinterest of pictures that kind of solidify my vision, and I would try to look at pictures of the shoot location and come up with shots that I want to take, stuff like that. But when I was modeling, I would just kind of show up and get my makeup done and then say, “Alright, tell me what to do.” I feel like they're pretty different. At least for me, I think photography is a lot more mentally taxing.
Where do you shop? Do you prefer online or in person- what is the biggest difference between the two?
I primarily shop second-hand. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I bought clothing from an actual corporation. Depop is one of the main places I shop. I like Depop a lot because I used to be a Depop seller, and I like the idea of supporting a lower-class individual rather than supporting a corporation because even thrift stores can be unethical. With Depop, you're actually paying a working-class individual. Also, what I do a lot of the time is follow a bunch of sellers on Instagram, or my friends will do story sales. This way, the money's going directly to them. There's no fee. One thing that has been pissing me off a lot recently though are resellers on Instagram or Depop that are going to Goodwill, finding super cheap baby tees and upselling them for like $50 or some crazy shit. And certain circumstances, like, if you're unable to get a job because you've been incarcerated, you're an immigrant or something like that, and that's how you're making your money, I fully support you on that. But it seems like a majority of these resellers are people who have their parents' money and don't really need the money. They're just doing it to be cool.
Now, places like Goodwill are like, “Oh, well. Now, I can sell stuff for more,” even though there are people that shop there that actually can't afford to shop anywhere else, and now they're having to deal with the prices going up.
How do you find “the shot” (in regards to photography)?
I like to take a vision and style the models in a certain way. If I'm not feeling it, I won't waste film on it. I'll say, “Okay, let's try something else.” And once I get it right, then I'll just put my body in a bunch of different angles, and for every angle that I like, I'll take a picture there. Sometimes, I don't like the angle, and I think, “Okay, let's go on to another one.” It's just a lot of experimentation and trying out things.
I was in a photography class, and one of the tips that my photography teacher gave us as advice was that if you see a shot that you like, and it's not like hitting in that moment, just stand there for a couple more minutes. It's not now or never. If you see it and it doesn't look great, it's not the only opportunity to capture the shot. If you're in a hurry, that'd be one thing. But yeah, just stand there for a couple of minutes and see if anything changes. That definitely changed the way that I shoot. Now I’ll wait until the right moment, and the shot is just so much better. And sometimes the good picture doesn't come, and that's okay; not every picture has to be great. But sometimes, waiting two or five minutes really does make the difference.
How do you express and explore your creativity?
I guess fashion is probably the easiest thing for me to talk about. I just try to be unique. And like I said earlier, if I see potential in a clothing item, even if everyone else is like, “I don't know, it's kind of ugly,” I'll still just like to see potential in it. I feel like a lot of my creativity, like in all the realms that I do it is trial and error, like same photography. But I will try to allow myself a lot of time before work or plans to just stand in front of my mirror and try on like every assessor combination that I have until I find a good one.
It might look like I just throw something on or run out the door, but I really do like, try to perfect it. I just try to make an outfit look as me as I possibly can. Like I said earlier, like in high school, I would copy people, and I'm so turned off by that version of myself that now I just want to be like the most unique person I can be and just always do my own thing. I think that's another thing that inspires me now. Instead of copying someone's look, I’ll just draw inspiration from it and find a way to make it my own.
Photography-wise, I try to be unique with those pictures, too. I really, really love colorful lights. I've taken so many pictures at raves, Coconut Club, and places like that because (colorful lights) make everything look so much cooler, especially when you're shooting on film. My camera has a little bit of a delay sometimes, and the pictures will just come out so cool. I can't expect what they're going to look like even if they're blurry; the blurriness looks intentional, and I don't even know how to describe it. I'm always the proudest of those photos.
Do you think Austin’s creative scene is diverse and inclusive, why or why not?
I guess something that really bothers me is a scene of people in Austin who have really rich parents and have never really experienced discrimination and that don’t have punk beliefs but like call themselves punk or like, follow like a punk lifestyle if that makes sense.
For example, they'll be like ACAB but then call the police on a homeless person or something like that. I feel like there's a percentage of the creative scene that are people like that, and it just bothers me so much. I know so many people like that, and it honestly makes me kind of dislike Austin in that way, but I'm sure there are people like that everywhere. It's just been very prevalent recently. It's so performative. The people that are still open to new beliefs and expanding what they know, I'm not necessarily talking about. It’s the people that are close-minded and are unwilling to learn or educate themselves or think that's not their responsibility that really bother me. It's like, you are not punk babes.
It sounds like I'm gatekeeping punk, but it's really just about politics. The whole punk scene started from being angry about capitalism and the political system. You can't call yourself that if you would call the cops on a homeless person. That's not gatekeeping—those are just facts.
But I don't want that to be my only answer because there are a lot of creatives that I associate myself with that are the best people ever, and they’re very cultured, diverse, and educated on politics. Not only that, but I am open-minded to learning new things. I feel like there are a lot of people like that in Austin, like lower-income creatives that can't even really afford to do much, but their art makes them so happy that that's where they prioritize their income and stuff like that. That part of the creative scene I really love and appreciate all will alway support. I think Glaze does a pretty good job of being diverse, too.
Do you feel like there are challenges to being a non binary creative?
Definitely. I feel like just being non-binary in general regardless of what your passions are or how you express yourself in whatever way just kind of sucks sometimes. Especially in the creative scene, I get misgendered a lot, and it's weird to me because I feel like creatives are the last people I would expect to do that. Even in my shoots, I can't think of a single one where I wasn't being misgendered the whole time. I'm not the type of person to call you out on that. I know I should. But I just don't. And honestly, all my non-binary friends are the same way. It's sad because it's really hard to speak out about stuff like that. I wish people who are cis would stand up for them more because it happens a lot. But also, it's hard for me to get upset about that because gendering people correctly can be hard sometimes. I honestly don't feel like it's that hard, but I'll mess up someone's pronouns every now and then. So, I do understand. It's just a matter of trying. You don't have to get it right every time, but when you don't get it right, at least correct yourself and try harder the next time. It seems like even in the creative scene, where there's a bunch of alternative people that are open-minded will not make it one of top their priorities and that sucks sometimes. I saw this post one time by a non-binary person, and it was talking about how misgendering people isn't about rewiring the words in your brain to get their pronouns right. It's about seeing them as the people that they are. I feel like there are people who use my preferred pronouns (they/them) and still see me as a woman. I feel like cis people, especially, just don't get it, and so it's really hard for their brains to process that. If I wasn't non-binary, I might be really confused by that whole concept.
Beyond misgendering, I've never felt really discriminated against as a non-binary person. I'm also half white, so I get a lot of privilege from that. I'm sure it would be different if I wasn't.
It's just the misgendering thing that’s kind of weird to me and just feeling like I'm being perceived as female all the time. In the music scene, it’s really rough because not only am I not seen as a non-binary person, but I am seen as a woman. Male musicians are literally the worst because they don't see women as talented or capable of giving a shit about music and so it's terrible. Not only am I not being perceived as like the person who I am, but I'm being perceived as this woman that doesn't know what the fuck they're doing or what the fuck they're talking about all the time. It really sucks being talked down to by all these male musicians with all this privilege and all these like backgrounds of music that not everyone has the privilege to have. It's just terrible.
It's also been a year (since coming out). At this point, I am this person, and I'm very comfortable in my skin. It took me a while to get there. For a while, I would gaslight myself and would see somewhat conservative articles saying that women call themselves non-binary for attention or whatever, and I'd think, “Oh, that's true. I'm just a woman. I'm just doing this for attention.” It was this horrible period that lasted for months of just gender confusion and not validating myself and talking myself out of being non-binary, but I’ve finally gotten to a point where I'm confident that that's what I am, and I'm so comfortable in my skin now. I’m proud of myself. It has a lot to do with the people I surround myself with. I have so many non binary friends that are like literally going through the same shit, like gender confusion and gender dysmorphia and stuff like that. It has a lot to do with the people I surround myself with. I have so many non-binary friends that are going through the same shit like gender confusion and gender dysmorphia. Having the people who I love to death identify with being non-binary has really helped me figure out who I am.
How do you define art?
Have you heard of that banana that was taped to the wall at that art exhibit and was sold for billions of dollars or whatever? I had this huge discourse in one of my old art classes about this very question because to every person, art can be something completely different. The world has been around for so long that I feel like it is hard to do something creative, and even if you have an artistic idea and you put it onto paper or whatever medium you prefer, it might not be considered art because it's not original, and it’s the same with music. It's hard to write a song that doesn't sound like another song. It is a very tricky phenomenon. Going back to that banana thing, the reason why it went for so much money was that it was an original concept. In my opinion, it wasn't an amazing art piece. I don't want to say that objectively, because some people might think that it's incredible performance art. Taping a banana to a wall didn’t take that much time, effort, energy, and pain, but it's never been done before. So, even though that is my opinion, I'm sure there are people out there who would argue that it's entirely wrong and that art can be whatever it wants to be. I guess I’m still trying to figure that out. Everyone’s idea of art is different, so it's hard to say exactly what it is. I guess for me personally, I’m a very dramatic and emotional person, and I’ve always been my whole life. I’m very empathic; I just feel things so deeply. I’ve been told by other people that I feel things so much deeper than the average person.
So, creating art for me is about putting those feelings into it, especially with my music. I’ll sing my songs and feel all of the pain. I have one song I wrote about my most recent break-up. Writing those lyrics was so painful because I was in the moment when I was going through it, and I was just writing exactly how I felt. Even though I’ve moved on a lot and I don't really feel that pain anymore, through music I can remember how I once felt and I think that’s the beauty of art. It’s kind of like a time capsule; it can take you back to your emotions and feelings that you don't personally feel anymore but you did at one point in time. It can just remind you of what that pain was like and also give you hope to get you through the next painful thing because it’s a reminder that you’ve gotten past that. I think it’s really beautiful that you can take something so tragic and painful and put it into something that's so beautiful like, I love that song (that they wrote). I don't love the way I felt when I wrote it or the situation I was in when I wrote it, but if there was one thing good to come out of that, it was an amazing song that I’m really proud of. You can say that about all mediums of art. A lot of painters and physical artists will say the same thing. They’ll just be going through so much shit and put all of their energy into one of their art pieces. Not only is it beautiful that you're able to create something so good out of something so bad, but it is also like a coping mechanism. It makes you feel better. You’re putting all this terrible energy into something so beautiful. I think that's really the best way to do it.
Follow Kat Cruz on Instagram